Study Reveals: "They" Are Actually Just "Other People", Confirming Beach House Song
In a shocking development echoing the dream-pop wisdom of Beach House’s song "Other People," researchers from the Institute of Overly Obvious Studies (IOOS) announced today that the elusive entity known as "they" has indeed been conclusively identified as simply being "other people".
"Just like Beach House told us years ago, it's all been about 'other people,'" explained Dr. Eloise Faker, lead researcher. "We finally understand that these mysterious beings blamed for everything, from global conspiracies to stolen lunches in communal fridges, are just regular individuals navigating life, surprisingly similar to ourselves."
The breakthrough followed an exhaustive three-week investigation employing cutting-edge methodologies such as "looking around," "chatting with strangers," and the revolutionary practice of "paying actual attention."
Social media immediately erupted. User @ConspiracyCarl tweeted in disbelief, "I won't accept that 'they' are as mundane and flawed as I am," a sentiment resonating with those who previously believed "they" to be reptilian overlords masquerading as bureaucrats.
Experts caution that acknowledging these revelations might result in alarming side effects such as increased personal accountability, reduced paranoia, and painfully awkward interpersonal conversations.
At press time, "other people" were reportedly assembling to discuss strategies for handling their newfound spotlight. Rumors hint at an upcoming "Yes, We're They" awareness campaign featuring Beach House’s "Other People" as the unofficial anthem.
Industry analysts warn this revelation could severely impact sectors built upon vague blame, speculative distrust, and generalized suspicion.
As society struggles to embrace this uncomfortable truth, many have turned to coffee, "the only 'other' consistently dependable," according to researchers as a comforting companion in these trying times.
